Saturday, October 29, 2011

OMG, This is why I shouldn't procrastinate!

So I have exactly two days until NaNoWriMo starts?  I can feel the panic setting in.  I had such great intentions of outlining and creating notes and all that good stuff and, well, procrastination, thy name is Nicole.

I mean, I did actually write some notes, so I have some things fleshed out.  However, I didn't get as much done as I wanted to get done and now, naturally, I'm kind of starting to panic.  Because, you know, tomorrow is my birthday so chances are not a lot is going to get done then.  I mean, I have cake and ice cream to consume.  Priorities!  And then the following day is Halloween, which means I will be spending most of the afternoon at my daughter's school followed by rushing home to shovel in some dinner before herding the kids out the door to go trick or treating.  Oh, have I mentioned that the painting of my first floor will also commence on Monday so, you know, I'd probably better make sure to keep the little guy far, far away from open cans of paint and stuff.

Why do I always do these things to myself?  Well, I suppose it's because, in all honesty, I work best under pressure.  That's all well and good, but the problem is that it causes a heavy dose of sick anxiety, which isn't so fabulous.  Unfortunately, I never seem to be able to break this cycle.  I always swear that I'll never procrastinate again, but then I procrastinate about ceasing to procrastinate...  I think you can see where all of this is going.

Of course, I think a lot of it also has to do with my anxiety about my pretty ambitious project.  The truth is, writing isn't easy and writing something that falls outside your normal comfort zone is the most difficult of all.  I am worrying endlessly about spectacular logic fail in the universe I'm creating, I'm worried about making my main character likeable, I'm worried about...  In short, I'm worried about everything.  I don't know if every writer feels this way, but I suffer from a lot of anxiety about what I write because I think I'm always convinced that the only person who will like it is me.  There are so many things a person could be doing that I want to make sure any time they spend with my work will feel like time well spent.

At this point, you may rightfully ask why I am doing this.  The truth is, I'm trying to push myself outside of my comfort zone.  I want to shake my writing up a bit, attempt to tackle things that are new and seem scary.  I feel like this is the only way my writing will truly grow and, more than anything, I want my writing to continue to improve.  I want to broaden my audience and engage my readers, want to create stories that they will absolutely love.  If I could do that, then I would feel like the most successful writer in the world.

Now that I've got that all out, I think I'll take a deep breath and spend a little quality time with my notes.  If that doesn't help, then I'm sure I'll find a way to convince myself that I'm overthinking things and that I just need to let the words flow.  Or maybe I just need to do some hardcore thinking about how I can bribe my muse.  I still haven't figured out exactly what it is that fickle thing wants.