Monday Musings: The importance of routine

It's everyone's favorite day of the week again!  While I don't hate Mondays like I did back in the days when I wasn't fulfilled by my job, I am sorry to see my husband go back to work.  The truth is, I kinda like to have that guy around.  But what I do like about Mondays now is they mean it's time for me to focus on my passion: writing.

However, there's not much writing going on here at the moment.  This is partially because I just published Contributor and, friends, I need a bit of a break once a book comes out.  It's hard to describe how completely it takes over my life, but suffice it to say that my brain needs a bit of a rest before I put my nose to the grindstone and start working on the next book.

What I have come to realize throughout this endeavor, though, is how important routine is.  Since I started staying at home with my kids, I admit that I pretty much hate routine.  I want to roll out of bed when I feel like it, drink some coffee, and ease into my day.  Granted, that's tough to do when you have kids, but I do get a chance to indulge in some of that during the summer and on the weekends.  But the fact of the matter is, when I do have a routine, I get more done.  Without routine, my attention is fragmented all over the place and, half the time, I can't even remember what I did all day long.

My intent for next week is to start settling into my routine.  I want to establish a regular schedule for when I write, when I blog, when I do social networking, etc.  My biggest challenge over the summer was finding the time for all of these things and, now that school is in session and I have someone coming to clean my house, I don't really have any valid excuses for not being more organized and productive.  Unfortunately for me.  I may be a perfectionist, but I'm also a procrastinator.  It's like the two sides of me are constantly battling, and it ain't pretty.

I want to take a second to thank everyone who downloaded a copy of Creators during its free run on the 7th.  At one point, it reached #69 on the top 100 list of free books in its subcategory, which frankly shocked me.  I felt like I was in one of those dumb movie scenes where the unattainable boy points at me, and I do that thing where I turn around to see if he's pointing at someone behind me, but find he's actually pointing at me.  OMG!  *squee*  Seriously.  Forgive me for being a super nerd here, but it really shocks me in a fantastically awesome way when I realize that people are buying my books.  Hopefully you're liking them too, because that's even more important to me.

I also want to give a big thanks to everyone who has purchased my books.  It's 100% the truth that I couldn't do this writing thing without your support.  So thank you very, very much for giving me a reason to sit in front of my PC all day angsting over each and every word I type.

Starting on Friday, I'm planning to post some tidbits from my latest work in progress, Infiltrator.  It's the second book in the Contributor trilogy, so there may well be some spoilerific moments if you read the excerpt without having read Contributor.  For that, I sincerely apologize, as I'm one of those people who really hates it when the surprises are spoiled for me.  I'll try to keep the giant revelations under wraps.  Happy Monday!

I Want My NaNoWriMo Back!

Yes, folks, I do actually want it back, and I'll tell you why very succinctly: when I'm doing NaNoWriMo, there is no time for crippling self-doubt, there is only time for word count.  Once NaNoWriMo ends, however, and the fever wears off, it's once again possible to become neurotic about all manner of things.

I can't stop thinking about that The Economist article that sneered at NaNoWriMo, implying that all NaNo novels are trash that "true" writing demands that the author "bleed".  Well, folks at The Economist, let me tell you: I could use a transfusion right about now because there's a heady mix of blood, sweat, and tears dripping all over my manuscript.

Still, I guess I could look at this as a good thing, right?  After all, if I were entirely convinced of my own brilliance, I would think my novel was perfect as is.  The truth is, though, that I can always find something to change, no matter how "finished" my manuscript may be.  While there are those magical moments during which I am very happy with what I've typed, they are far outnumbered by those moments where I agonize over every word, where I keep returning to the same sentence over and over because It's.  Just.  Not.  Right.

Now, I'll come right out and admit that I am a perfectionist, which means I hold myself to a ridiculously high standard.  This is both a good thing and a bad thing.  While I'm glad that I always want to do my best, and that I strive to improve myself, I'm also terrible at cutting myself any sort of slack.

Tonight, my temptation was to just keep on going, even though I began to feel like I was beating my head against a brick wall repeatedly.  Instead, I made myself put it down and step away.  If I had nothing but time to write, maybe I would be easier on myself (that's a big, fat maybe, folks) but since I have to try to cram my writing in whenever I can, I get a bit stressed.  I'm sure many other would-be writers can relate.  You sit down, ready to put words on the screen or on paper, and then real life interrupts and you're forced to walk away.  Then, when you can finally return, you rack your brain, searching for that brilliant sentence you had composed in your head or that great plot twist you were about to use and...nothing.  Big, fat nothing.  Your carefully planned out, exquisite words are gone and lost forever.  It's maddening.

At any rate, the revisions are coming along rather well.  I've had to totally scrap some chapters and rework them and, tonight, I wrote an entirely new chapter 18.  Since I ended NaNoWriMo at the beginning of chapter 25, I'd say I'm making pretty good progress.  I've also beefed up my word count by several thousand.  I'm at a pivotal point now.  I still have quite a bit of story to tell, but I'll soon need to think about wrapping it up.  ABNA approaches, my friends, and I still want to allow myself at least a couple of weeks to go over the "finished" product, so I'm aiming to write my ending by the end of December.

I also just want to take a moment to recognize the friends and family members who are reading the manuscript and helping make it better.  I am more grateful for your contributions than I can say.

And now, a bit of an excerpt!

***

            “After a great deal of discussion, the Senior Engineers and I have come to a decision as to who is to accompany us to our meeting with Agricorp,” Andersen announced.  His hands behind his back in a rather military posture, he began to stroll slowly around the room.

“Mr. LeTour,” he said, coming to a stop right next to Ryan.  He was so close that Dara was certain his posture was deliberate, calculated to intimidate.  It appeared to be working. Though Ryan kept his face straight, he blanched.  “I will state up front that I found your performance extremely disappointing.  Your ideas were mediocre, your research unsatisfactory.  I don’t know how to account for your lapse in performance but, let me assure you, this will be your last.  Any further misstep will result in your immediate termination from the program.  Is that understood?”

“Yes, sir,” Ryan said, his voice strained.  Andersen smiled a slow, tight smile, and Dara felt her stomach turn.

He’s actually enjoying this! she realized.  He’s enjoying humiliating Ryan in front of the rest of us.

As Andersen turned his back and moved away from Ryan, Chen shot a look of such vile disgust at his apprentice that Dara had to look away.  Though Ryan was without redeeming qualities, as far as she could see, she still found it difficult to see him the subject of so public a flogging.

             I’m not sure anyone deserves to be treated that way.

NaNoWriMo Day 18: I did it!

I'm really happy, excited, and proud to say that, for the second year in a row (and I've only done this twice now), I have hit the 50,000 word mark during NaNoWriMo!  I'm especially proud of it this year, given how much chaos was surrounding me.  There were some days that required a serious amount of discipline in order for me to sit and write and, since I am a procrastinator by nature, this is a very big deal to me.

I'm also excited because it means I can now go back and revise and tweak some sections of the novel.  I am just amazed at how much the story has evolved over the course of these 18 days.  It's different from what I had envisioned, but much stronger and much better than what I had originally planned on writing.  Honestly, when I decided to tackle this genre, I was pretty sure I was going to fail spectacularly, so it's nice to know that I might just be onto something here!

Still, though I am technically done with NaNoWriMo, I am by no means done with my novel and, because of that, my intention is to continue writing each day, and to continue blogging as well.  Thanks for being part of my journey!

***

“Are you happy with your life?” he asked her out of the blue.

“Yes, of course,” she answered automatically.  “I’m a Contributor now, and Magnum has always provided me with a good life.”

“Uh huh,” he said.  “I used to sound just like you.”

“And what’s wrong with that?” she asked angrily.

“It’s not that it’s wrong,” Tasha said, breaking in.  She stepped into Dara’s line of vision, and Dara knew she was doing it deliberately, trying to break the tension.  “It’s that it’s limiting.  That’s maybe not a bad thing; some people are content enough with limits.  But shouldn’t people have the freedom to choose?”

“We do get to choose,” Dara insisted.

“Really?” Raj asked her.  “Tell me, what if you decided you didn’t want to work for Magnum?  What if you wanted to sit at home and paint all day?”

“Why would I want to sit and paint?  It’s not a productive use of my time, and we must all be productive,” Dara said.  

With a violent start, she realized that she sounded exactly like her instructors.  In fact, she could have been picked up from the room and replaced with one of them and the conversation would have taken exactly the same course.

“Still sure you’re so happy?” Raj asked, but his voice was gentler this time.

“No,” Dara said in a very small voice.

NaNoWriMo Day 17: The final stretch--or not

As of today, I have 46,001 words of my novel written.  This means that I only have 4,000 words to go to complete NaNoWriMo and I will have a novel!  Or not. 

In fact, I find that I am only now really getting into the story and I have quite a bit of rewriting to do, so hitting the 50,000th word just means that the real work will begin.

Still, this isn't a complaint.  I was so worried about making it through NaNoWriMo this year, what with all the chaos that's been going on with the renovations and with the normal, everyday challenges of my husband's job and life with two young kids.  I thought I was crazy for even contemplating participating this year and, in fact, I've had several days where I wondered why I've been inflicting this stress on myself.  There are two reasons for this:

1. I really like the concept for my novel, and I want to submit it for the 2012 Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest (ABNA for short, if you've never heard of it).  I've entered the last two years, but both times in the adult category and, since I'm still unpublished, it probably goes without saying that I didn't win.  But, while I'd certainly love to win or attract the interest of an agent or publisher, I'm still really proud of myself for entering as it means I'm taking those first tentative steps toward actually trying to get myself published.  To be honest, as much as I love my other manuscript, I feel like the one I'm currently writing will be much more competitive, and I think the young adult category may be a better fit for me.

2. This is the real reason: because NaNoWriMo proves to me that I can do this.  I can write a novel, no matter what kind of craziness is happening in my life.  I've always been a writer, ever since I was a child, but I've somehow always had this thought in the back of my head that I can't do it.  I have a bazillion reasons why: conditions aren't right, I don't feel inspired, etc., etc., etc.  But I've come to realize that these aren't reasons, they're excuses.  NaNoWriMo does not allow for excuses.  NaNoWriMo provides me with that extra nudge I need to make me feel I simply have to finish my project.  For me, NaNoWriMo is about chances, about proving to all those little voices of doubt inside that they are, in fact, wrong.

I recently read this really offensive article on The Economist.  It more or less states that NaNoWriMo is a waste of time and that the world doesn't need more bad novels--as if every novel that's published is good or, conversely, as if every novel that isn't published is bad.  Well, The Economist, I will take a Shakespearean tack: I bite my thumb at you!

I'm not suggesting that everyone is capable of writing a masterpiece--I'm nowhere near being convinced that I'm capable of this.  Nor am I suggesting that everyone quit their day jobs so they can sit home and write a novel.  We do need to be practical.  What I am saying, though, is this: we always encourage our children to follow their dreams.  Why, then, are we so willing to give up on our own?  Maybe I'll never get published, but at least I'll know I tried.  I don't want to be one of those people who lives a life full of "what ifs".

And further, to suggest that participants in NaNoWriMo are just fooling around is offensive.  I bleed for my novel, just like every other author I've ever known or read about.  I care passionately about what I write.  I agonized over this manuscript long before NaNoWriMo began, and I will agonize over it long after NaNoWriMo is finished.

So to my fellow WriMos: I salute you!  Maybe you're surrounded by people who are supportive and helpful and believe in you.  Maybe you're surrounded by doubters who think you're crazy for even trying.  Either way, I am with you.  I may not know you and you may not know me, but we understand one another's passion.  Go right ahead and reach for the stars--I'll be doing the same alongside you.  Let's shine on together, fellow crazy NaNoWriMo diamonds!  May we all someday look back and laugh at that article, as we enjoy the phenomenal success of our books that were originally NaNoWriMo novels.

***

“Dara, the next four weeks are going to be critical,” Joshua said, his voice urgent.  “We have to do everything in our power to help your mother.”

            “Oh, I wish we worked opposite shifts,” Dara moaned.

            “I know, but there’s nothing we can do about that now.  We’re just going to have to make do.”

            “We’ll take turns each night.  I’ll sleep one night, you sleep the next,” Dara suggested.

            Joshua looked relieved as he nodded.  “Yes, that was my idea as well.”

            “Let’s take turns going to the medical bay too.  There’s a lot that needs to be done around here to get things ready.”

            “I don’t know what I’d do without you,” her father said quietly, taking her right hand and pressing it between both of his.

            “We’re a family,” Dara said, a lump rising in her throat.  

            “Nothing and no one can change that,” her father said, a ferocious note to his voice.

NaNoWriMo Day 8: Lesson learned; write early, before carrying around furniture

Today, I resolved to tackle NaNoWriMo in the afternoon.  While I usually listen to music while writing, when I get into my zone, it fades into the background and I barely notice it.  Still, I rarely write without music, but considering there was already a cacophonous orchestra of saws cutting though wood, I decided not to add more noise to the mix.

At first, I found the racket from upstairs to be rather distracting but, fortunately for me, I had a few idle moments this morning during which I realized what I needed to do to get my novel moving again, since I kept feeling like it had stagnated yesterday.  This meant that I got to start writing an action scene today, so the words just flowed like crazy, and I was able to write 3,939 words today.  I'm pretty pumped about this, as my goal has been to break 4,000 in a single day, so it feels good to approach that.  I am now just over 19,000 words into the novel and, because I am almost to the halfway point, I've realized that there needs to be a lot of movement from here on out.

I'll just say up front that this novel is the first in what is intended to be a trilogy.  Since I've never written anything other than standalone novels before, I found the idea of doing a trilogy to be somewhat daunting.  I've read many wonderful series, but I've also read some where I had the sense that the author should have just made them one book, and I don't want to fall into the same trap.  I was pretty sure I had enough story to fill three books and, the more I'm writing this, the more I realize that it does look like a trilogy will be the way to go.  As long as I feel I have a deep, rich story that has enough to offer a reader, I'll continue to shoot for the trilogy.  If I feel like I'm starting to spread things thin just for the sake of stretching the story out to three books, I'll go back and cut the superfluous bits and write fewer books.

So here is a taste of some of today's action sequences.  I'm pretty exciting about this as I feel they may be the most enticing bits from my manuscript yet.

***

“Dara, look, I ...” Letizia began, but stopped short when the transport began to emit a series of beeps that quickly became shrill alarms.

            “What’s going on?” Dara asked.  The transport gave a sudden, sickening lurch, and Dara braced her hands against the sides of the vehicle as it began to jolt violently.

            “Some kind of mechanical failure,” Letizia said.  Her fingers were moving rapidly over the vehicle’s console.

            “What kind of failure?  Can we fix it?”  The vehicle began to lose speed and Dara looked nervously outside her window.  Between the darkened night sky and the haze that had thickened since they’d been in the meeting, the view from the transport was impenetrable.

            “I don’t know.”  Frustration was evident in Letizia’s voice.  “The transports are controlled remotely, so there’s limited functionality within them.  We’d have to go outside in order to access any of the important systems.”

            “It’s pitch dark out there,” Dara said, feeling panic begin to rise within her.  “Even if we did go outside, and even if we could fix the problem without any tools, we wouldn’t be able to see a thing.”

            “Let’s just hope it doesn’t come to that then.  Maybe...”  But whatever Letizia was about to say, it was cut off by a loud clunking sound, and the vehicle suddenly dropped to the ground.  Dara’s teeth slammed together, and she was infinitely glad that her tongue had been out of the way; she felt pretty certain she’d have bitten it clean off, the force of the impact was so great.  There was a stunned silence for several seconds, and then Letizia let out a slight moan.

            When they had hit the ground, the internal lights in the transport had gone out, and Dara couldn’t even see her hand in front of her face.  She groped around the vehicle, looking for Letizia.

            “Letizia, are you all right?” Dara asked.  Her panic lent a shrill note to her voice and she winced.  If Letizia was hurt, the last thing she needed was for Dara to lose control.

            Dara heard another groan and then a gasp of pain.  She continued feeling around until she connected with something.  Running her fingers over it, she could tell that it was the fabric of Letizia’s suit, but she had no idea which part of Letizia’s body she was touching.  Disentangling herself from her seatbelt with her free hand, Dara held onto Letizia’s fabric and slowly made her way over to the other woman, bumping into several unknown objects as she went.

            “D...Dara?” Letizia asked, once Dara was beside her.  Her voice sounded thick and strange, and Dara’s sense of panic increased exponentially.

            “Letizia!  Are you all right?” she asked.  Gingerly, she felt her way around the fabric and found that it was part of Letizia’s right sleeve.  She moved her hand slowly up the other woman’s arm until she touched her shoulder.

            Letizia’s only response was a groan, and Dara paused for a few seconds, taking several deep breaths in through her mouth and letting them out through her nose.  This took the edge of the panic and, once she felt more in control of herself, she let her fingers continue to move up Letizia’s neck and up the other woman’s cheek.  When she neared Letizia’s hairline, she felt something warm and rather sticky.

            “Hold on, Letizia.  You’re bleeding.  I’m just going to...”

NaNoWriMo Day 7: I am exhausted

For the last few days, I have spent the bulk of my time moving furniture, ripping out carpet, moving furniture back, before waking up and moving furniture again so the rooms will be clear for the floor installation.  I am honestly exhausted and, while I'm excited that we're doing so many nice things to the house, I am eager for this to be over so that my life may return to some semblance of normalcy.

I know, I know, I'm lucky to be whining about such things.  Believe me, I know it.  But the downside to all of this is that I'm completely drained of both mental and physical energy.  I toyed with the idea of skipping NaNoWriMo again today and writing more tomorrow, but I really don't want to get in the habit of skipping days, so I did force myself to sit down and write.  The end result is that I'm staring at the screen in something of a daze, and I have the sneaking suspicion that everything I've written today will be thrown out when I edit.  Ah well, the point this month is to get the words down, right?

A taste of today's efforts:

***

“You’re going to be great,” Jonathan assured her, before she could even say anything to him.

“I’m going to try to be invisible and just soak it all in,” she responded.

“Exactly.  No pressure, right?”

“None at all!” she said, her voice higher than normal.

“You have to promise to do something for me.”

“What?”

He glanced around them and then dropped his voice down to a conspiratorial tone.  “You have to promise to tell me if the Agricorp contributors all have hay sticking out of their hair, and if they wear straw farmers’ hats.”

Dara burst out into laughter, startling several groups ahead of them.  As the other people turned around to look curiously at them, she tried her best to smooth her expression.

“You’re an idiot,” she told him affectionately.

“What?” he asked, feigning innocence.  “I’ve always wondered about that, and now’s my chance to find out.”

“Well, I’ll be sure to give you the full report tonight, then.”

“Great.  And don’t forget to make a note of what color their hats are.”

It was difficult to stifle her giggles, but they were now just outside of the headquarters, and she could see Andersen, Chen, and Letizia waiting just inside the doors.  

“You’re a true professional,” Jonathan told her.  She could hear the admiration in his voice, and it made her hold her chin up a bit higher.

NaNoWriMo Day 6: A test of my endurance

Why no NaNoWriMo Day 5 post?  The short answer is that I had no access to my computer and didn't really fancy typing 1,667 words on my smart phone.  The long answer is that my husband and I spent the day moving furniture, tearing up carpet, moving furniture again, tearing up more carpet, etc., etc.  Couple this with the fact that the contractor was painting what is currently our office, and let's just say that by the end of the day, I was to be found half-conscious on the couch watching 30 Rock on Netflix.

Today also saw me doing a fair amount of physical labor, but before NaNoWriMo began we decided to take on major home improvement projects, so I'm not going to let the disorder and chaos of my house be an excuse for not rocking this year's NaNoWriMo.  I'm such an overachiever that, not only will I write a whole novel in one month, I'll do it while my house is ripped apart for two weeks out of the month.  How's that for dedication?

Here is but a snippet of the 2,030 words I wrote today.  Oooh, intrigue!  Tomorrow, I'm shooting for 4,000 words.

***

“Head Engineer Andersen was right to turn her in for such a crime,” Dara said firmly.  “Though I’m not sure why you told me.  It’s probably best to forget that such a person could ever have been a Ballast.”

“Yes,” Letizia said.  “Head Engineer Andersen is always extremely attentive to his duty.”

Though these were the right words, the way Letizia said them and the look on her face confused Dara.  It was almost as if Letizia disapproved of Andersen’s actions—but that couldn’t possibly be correct.  Dara assumed that Letizia had been born and raised a Ballast, just like herself.  After all, it was highly unusual for anyone to either go from being a Job Creator to a Ballast and it was almost completely unheard of for someone to go from being a Core to being a Ballast.  Given this, Letizia would have been educated just as Dara had, would know her place in society and her duty to the Job Creators.

“And don’t we all strive to be attentive to our duty?” Dara asked.

“Of course,” Letizia said.  She smiled, but Dara thought it looked somewhat forced.  “I simply thought that sharing this story with you would help you to give you a clearer picture of the sort of person Head Engineer Andersen is.”

Feeling increasingly uncomfortable, Dara replied, “Thank you.  It did help me to better understand that Head Engineer Andersen is a man of the utmost integrity.”

            “He is indeed most attentive to the needs and wishes of the Job Creators.”

            “Can I get you some more tea?” Dara asked abruptly.  She was eager to end this particular line of conversation.

NaNoWriMo 2011: Day 1

This is my second year of NaNoWriMo, and one of the things I've found to be a challenge is finding the time to actually sit and get the words typed out.  Then again, when isn't this an issue for me (or for most other people, for that matter)?  With two young children in the house, it's kind of hard to find any significant stretches of time where I can get in my zone and focus on my writing without being interrupted by sibling rivalries or requests for milk.  This is a real struggle for me because I tend to be in my own little world when I'm really engrossed in my writing, so having to come out of it is jolting, rather like being jarred out of a deep sleep.

At any rate, I was composing in my head in the shower this morning (I know, I know--that shower thing again!), and I was pretty much raring to go.  I like writing moments like these, where I know exactly what I want to say.  Unfortunately, they often happen at times when I'm not planted in front of my screen, fingers poised over the keyboard.  The risk in this situation is always that I'll forget about the awesome plot twist I devised, or that perfect phrase will slip from my mind.  Some people are smart and have a handy little notebook at the ready where they can jot stuff like this down.  Me, I'm not that smart.

Actually, I think what it boils down to is that I'm just not usually organized about my writing, which is weird since I alphabetize everything in my house (DVDs, books, spices on my spice rack--I kid you not).  Instead, my writing tends to explode out of my brain with very little planning, which is why I am often to be found clutching my head and agonizing over how I'm possibly going to be able to edit this messy piece of work that I love so much.  It's similar to those moments in motherhood when my child is smeared head to toe with a popsicle or the like, and I'm trying to decide which body part to wipe first without running the risk of a sticky mess ending up everywhere: it's overwhelming when you stand back and look at it, and sometimes you're tempted to ignore it, drink a latte, and call it a day.

I took a haphazard approach to NaNoWriMo last year and, while it proved to me that I can, in fact, crank out 50,000 words in a mere 30 days, it also resulted in a manuscript that was jumbled, that made no sense, and that wasn't usable in any way.  This year, I decided I would be more methodical in my approach, and so I fired up my trusty OneNote and went to town creating tabs for characters, tabs for the setting, and tabs for pretty much everything else you can imagine.  I was going to be organized!

I'm happy to say that it's so far, so good with this approach.  I hit word number 1,667 and kept right on going because I wanted to finish the first chapter.  Instead of my mind wandering, as it sometimes did when I was writing last year, I was focused.  I knew where the story was going, knew what my characters were supposed to be like and, therefore, knew what was supposed to happen next.  I have to say, I liked this.  Now all I need to do is stop worrying about whether or not anyone will like the novel--as if that will ever happen.  Are all writers a bundle of insecurity like me, I wonder?

And so, in the interest of really putting myself out there, each day I will post an excerpt from my day's work.  This novel is my attempt at YA dystopian/speculative fiction.  I'm providing a completely raw glimpse of what I'm writing, as I'm not allowing myself anything more than the most minor of edits as I write.  I will write first, edit later.  So, without further ado, have a look at a snippet from my Day 1 writing:

***

Whatever you do, do not throw up.  Whatever you do, do not throw up.  Whatever you do... the words played over and over in her head, like some sort of less-than-comforting mantra.  Taking a deep breath in an attempt to steady her nerves—and stave off her nausea—Dara clasped her trembling hands in front of her, closed her eyes, and took several more breaths.

             

“Hey,” a gentle voice said.  She opened her eyes to look at Jonathan, who clasped her hand and gave her a reassuring smile.  “Don’t do this to yourself.  You’ve got this in the bag and you know it.  What’s there to worry about?”

            

 “Oh, nothing.  There’s nothing at all to worry about,” she said sarcastically.  “I mean, I could only screw this up and destroy my chances, but I’m sure there’s no need to worry about that!”

             

“Come on, Dara, don’t be ridiculous.  There’s no way you’re going to screw this up.  You could practically do this in your sleep and you know it.”  His voice was steady and his gaze warm as he squeezed her hand.

            

 Closing her eyes once more, she allowed the calm, smooth tone of his voice to help wash away some of her anxiety.  “It’s just...”

            

“I know.  It seems like a lot of pressure.  But, really, haven’t you been doing this same thing every day of your life, with the same people observing you?”

           
She opened her eyes and looked up at him.  “I have, but this time just seems different somehow.  I mean...This time it’s...”  At a loss, she threw her hands up in frustration.

             

“It’s just nerves, is what you’re trying to tell me.”  Leaning down, he planted a quick, warm kiss on her cheek.  “Don’t look at it as one point in time, because it isn’t.  If you hadn’t proven yourself over and over already, you wouldn’t even be here in the first place.  So, really, this is just the next step in a path you’re already traveling.”

            

 She couldn’t stop the smile from spreading over her face.  This was a big part of why she loved him, this ability he had of helping her put things into perspective.

             

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

             

“As always,” he teased, squeezing her hand once more.

             

“But aren’t you at all nervous?” she asked, peering up into his face.

             

His eyes turned serious, and he brushed a lock of wavy chestnut hair out of them.  “Well, of course I am.  But I also believe what I said, that we’ve been working toward this for a long time.  It’s nothing new, just another chance to prove ourselves to Magnum, to prove to them the worth of their investment.”

             

“Maybe that’s what’s bothering me.  I want more than anything to prove that all the time, all the money they invested in me didn’t go to waste.”

            
 “And you will,” he said, and the quiet, unshakeable confidence in his voice went a long way toward soothing her nerves.

These things should not be mixed...

I'm doing NaNoWriMo this year, right?  As you can imagine (or as some of you may have experienced!), NaNoWriMo is sort of an exercise in madness.  I mean, you're writing a freakin' novel in 30 days.  While you're attempting to do this, you don't really want any major distractions, right?  You want to pretty much clear your schedule and maybe lock yourself in a room for 30 days, all in the interests of immersing yourself in your art, right?  So why, exactly, did I decide to have major renovations done to my house in the midst of all this?  I have no flippin' clue.

Well, actually, I do have a bit of an idea.  You see, I'm not really happy with where my desk is located.  Writing while having children around is difficult anyway, because you're constantly being interrupted for a variety of reasons.  Given this, it's kind of crazy to locate your desk in a central, open, high-traffic part of the house, right?  That's exactly where mine is right now.

Once the renovations are complete, I will have a new workspace that will be larger than my currently very dinky desk.  This means that I can feel free to scatter papers and notes about.  And maybe, just maybe, when I have some extra cash, I can get a second screen so that I can have notes up on one and my writing on the other.  This wouldn't be possible with my current setup, but will be once the new one is complete.

Basically, what it boils down to is this: I'm hoping this will be yet another impetus for me to buckle down and put some more sweat equity into my writing.  I mean, it's all easy when I'm in the zone and everything is flowing beautifully, but it's much harder when I'm just not feeling that sense of elated inspiration.  Once I get going, I often do end up getting into the euphoria zone, but it's the getting going that is an issue at times.  This is really what I love about NaNoWriMo: it forces me to sit down and write, every single day, and that is a good thing.

So, yeah, the renovation will be a challenge, but I kind of think that's a good thing.  There are always distractions in life, so I'll feel extra accomplished at the end of NaNoWriMo, given that I managed to conquer such a high level of distraction.  It also means that I won't be able to make excuses the rest of the year.  If I can manage to complete NaNoWriMo while ripping up carpet, painting and assembling desks my husband and I have designed, and dodging wet paint and newly laid flooring, there's no reason why I can't buckle down any other day of the year, right?